…I think it pisses God off when you walk by the color purple in a field and don’t notice it.
– Alice Walker (Shrug in The Color Purple)
DAYS GONE BY
Sigh. I am getting older. Obviously. I was born in the ’70s. My stars. Seriously. It’s soooo long ago. I have childhood photos in which my parents’ car was super long and rectangular and pale butter yellow. Ha! My parents are wearing the funkiest outfits. I’m pretty sure my dad is wearing plaid trousers in one of them. Plaid trousers! I guess my dad was all supa dope back in the day.
At this moment…*knock on wood*…aging doesn’t show all that much. I credit my mom’s amazing genes (I swear the mighty woman does not have wrinkles), and my awesome Asian genes. *knock on wood* again. I am seriously one lucky lady.
Yet….I don’t lose the extra pounds as easily or readily as I once had. My metabolism shifted so fast, it still surprises me. Sigh. Most people I know are married. Some are starting to have babies or have toddlers. This makes me feel old. Almost as though, wait? when did this happen? Some of my friends have already gotten divorced and even remarried. I also feel old when I notice my favorite “old skool” R&B is being covered and/or redone and/or copied and considered old, as in “back in the day.”
I no longer find the thrill in bright lights, big city like I used to. When I was younger that was what moved me, what made me tick. Now I just like wonderful persons and people, warm hugs, deep kisses, receiving that smile that says “wow, you’re great” from said wonderful persons and people; fresh air, green space, good food (I mean, gooooood food), beautiful spaces and things, staying in and making a meal from scratch, exercise, hot baths, laughing, and luxurious sheets…among other lovely, simple things in life.
FIND THE BEST IN ME
I am interested and open to receiving all good things, not to take them for granted. I have been humbled…and yet I feel confident enough to find the best of me. You know, to be comfortable in my own skin and to be grateful for all my good luck. It took awhile. Being selfish was the norm. You know the kind with the pretense of being intelligent and worldly? Entitled and boorish in the way where you scoff at those who aren’t “in the know.” Now, I just focus on myself and those close to me, and let those silly things go by the wayside. It’s a work in progress. Don’t get me wrong. Sometimes I get petty. It creeps up in there sometimes. *Shrug*
I’m still learning not to beat myself up about things I can’t control though. Or even things I can control but am too shy or chicken to overcome. Yes, shy or chicken. For all the growing up we do, I still have moments when I freeze, I hide, I “front” like I’m not all shy or chicken, but hot damn I am soooo shy and sooo chicken about certain situations. It’s ridiculous, already. But I have to honour those moments, and forgive myself and try to remember that regret is infinitely a thousand million times worse than looking foolish. You know these moments? I feel like a little girl again…and then I can’t believe how old I really am at all!
I take care of my health more. Thankfully. What I eat. I consider my environment more, concerning chemicals and processed foods, no nitrates, and all those preservatives. I use skincare and haircare that doesn’t contain sulphates, parabens, all that yuck, and not tested on animals. Food? I cheat still. Please. I love food. I try to make things from scratch as often as I can to avoid processed food. But I cheat. Gotta live a little.
I’m learning to not take things for granted….to see my parents more, and become their friends….and cut off toxic people…not give a flying rat’s ass what people think….and give up my pride a bit to spread the glowiness and abundance with others.
NOTICE THE COLOUR PURPLE
Getting old’s not all that bad….but the realization of it is rather startling. Especially since the expectations of society are looming and weigh heavily, which means I’ve had to strengthen my mental muscles a bit and expand my mind a lot to float above it all.
At least now it’s become easier to notice the colour purple…and not be afraid to admit to and show my cracks. After all: There is a crack, a crack in everything. That’s how the light gets in.