#1. START SPENDING TIME WITH THE RIGHT PEOPLE
Have you seen this list of 30 things to stop doing to yourself? I quite like it, and although I don’t make new year’s resolutions, I do try to refresh new beginnings since it’s a natural clean break when the year turns over.
I actually much rather prefer this list of 30 things to start doing for yourself, which is actually the same list but with a more proactive, positive vibe.
It’s also a good time to clean out the cobwebs and fine-tune the inside, you know? So I shall begin with this list by going through each one (I shall try…) and see what I can do about it. Yes, yes.
#1. START SPENDING TIME WITH THE RIGHT PEOPLE
These are the people you enjoy, who love and appreciate you, and who encourage you to improve in healthy and exciting ways. They are the ones who make you feel more alive, and not only embrace who you are now, but also embrace and embody who you want to be, unconditionally….
which means you must…
STOP SPENDING TIME WITH THE WRONG PEOPLE
Life is too short to spend time with people who suck the happiness out of you. If someone wants you in their life, they’ll make room for you. You shouldn’t have to fight for a spot. Never, ever insist yourself to someone who continuously overlooks your worth. And remember, it’s not the people that stand by your side when you’re at your best, but the ones who stand beside you when you’re at your worst that are your true friends.
I know this step as “release toxic people from your life that are not serving you in any way, and who may try to make you feel crappy because it makes them feel good.” But you know, I’m also learning that it is time to release those people who may not be toxic, but who really do overlook my worth. *shake fist*
For the past few years, I have released toxic people from my life. It was not as easy as one would think. I still had that residual self-serving thinking (I admit it) where I thought, okay, maybe I’ll keep these people at arms length, the farthest ring of my world, juuuust in case I needed something from them. Gulp. *shameface* I admit it.
This is despite the fact that they tried to belittle me, chastise me, judged me for their own glee, perhaps to make them feel more confident or more powerful…with the pretense that they are only doing it because they care? Who really knows? Who really cares?!
OLDER AND WISER?
But I am getting older and, thankfully, wiser (daaamn, these 30’s are such a huge learning curve), and quite frankly I like myself so much better now than ever before. Even when I was living the big city life and traveling around, feeling all fabulous and swelled with accomplishments.
Now I smile gentle at my young self. That was then, this is now. I pat myself on my back….and then I quickly return to the present and think, wow, right now is pretty good too. My pocketbook is definitely lighter. My belongings have shrunk. My social life has been condensed from invites here and there, to more meaningful, graceful moments with lovely people. And life is soooo good.
And I truly believe my outward sunny disposition has cast a friendly, happy glow that emanates from within…because I learning each day to just be present and grateful. This is my happy place now. People smile back at me, and they even smile first! This makes me even happier!
Okay, now back to topic at hand. I am embracing this notion of spending time with the right people. It feels really nice, especially with such busy days, juggling this and that and the other. For the past previous years, I have been weeding out these people who suck the happiness out of me.
Alas, now I am quite perplexed about one friend in particular. I’m debating whether I should stop spending time with said person. Let’s call this person Enigma.
Now, it’s true, as much as I enjoy spending time with Enigma, I initiate everything…most, if not all, of the time. I call. I make plans. But oh, how I do enjoy conversing with Enigma. I laugh, I giggle, my brain is continually stimulated and engaged.
But…come to think of it, I really don’t believe Enigma makes room for me on purpose. I think maybe I’m the cherry on top to their day, an added embellishment that is not really needed but is nice to have if there’s some extra in the pantry. I’m not the original recipe, you know? Just a bit of sweet on a dreary day…not necessary but nice once in a while. But not nice enough for Enigma to make the effort to make room for me on their own volition.
KEEP IT TO MYSELF
From what I gather Enigma is one of those people who are set in their ways, who lives an existence that’s comfortable and happy and worthy, complete with a close-knit group of companions.
I feel that Enigma is also reserved (maybe even shy), sensitive, maybe too nice in that way where they probably think they don’t want to disturb me so they don’t bother to contact me because they think I probably wouldn’t want to really hear from them anyway…yet stubborn as all hell with a streak of pride that paralyzes them with constant fear of possible embarrassment.
YET IT’S OKAY
Come to think of it…Enigma doesn’t know this, but other people, kind-hearted people who only wish to help I suppose, confided in me about how I should be careful how I handle Enigma. Despite all that, I told them I’ll make up my own mind about Enigma so you needn’t tell me anymore.
I like Enigma very much. Enigma is delightful. Enigma is gentle, sweet, kind, funny, silly, and extremely whip-smart. Okay, yes, I’m making excuses. You can tell right?
*Sigh* Perhaps it’s true that Enigma is not really my friend at all…because I’m doubting that Enigma appreciates me. This makes me sad. I will miss Enigma, because I do enjoy Enigma’s company so much. I really like Enigma. It’s hard to express without sounding melodramatic.
This makes me feel extremely blushed and somewhat embarrassed (because I think I’m a great companion to hoot and hollar-hollar with) that Enigma really does continuously overlook my worth. And I’m not entirely sure I can say that Enigma appreciates me. I can’t really say emphatically that Enigma makes me feel more alive (Enigma seems to vacillate a lot..and thinks too much about what other people might say).
I’m not trying to be all “attention-whore” and all that. No. I mean that Enigma’s actions don’t outwardly show that they appreciated or even enjoy or seek out my company.
THE HARD PART
I should, however, say, this part is the hard part. I sigh. I now bite my lip wondering how I should stop spending time with Enigma, without full out ostracism on my part. I would like to be that person who can stand firm and confess to people like Enigma how it is, how unjust it feels, how awkward, how hurtful…but that’s too dramatic and whinge-y.
Yet I don’t want to be that person who just ignores someone and hopes they get the point and go away either. *blow air through my lips* This is where I have to just do it, à la Nike, and bring in the best arsenal for this kind of stuff — communication. Let’s talk, this is what I feel, what do you think? — and all that juicy communication.
STICK TO MY GUNS?
Oh how I shall miss Enigma if things don’t resolve…but “stop spending time with the wrong people, and start spending time with those lovely people who truly enjoy my company and want to be around me” is healthy and one of the 30 things I must continue doing to have a more fulfilling life of me.